Sexual Schizophrenia—Teenagers and Sex

For readers' reviews of my books, visit my website, http://www.bfoswaldauthor.com. Thank you.

A fifth of all American 15-year-olds are sexually active. By the age of 16, that number rises to 33 percent, or a third of all teens, to 61% of 18-year-olds and to 71% of 19-year-olds. There is little difference by gender in the timing of first sex. (Guttmacher Institute, June 2013) For a comprehensive overview of teen sexual behavior by the country's leading and most respected researchers into teen sexual and reproductive health visit http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

I don't know of any other topic that so completely reveals our culture's schizophrenic attitude toward human sexuality than that of teenagers' sexual behavior. Teens have access to a great deal of sexually explicit material but to far less clear, honest, unbiased information about sex.  Conservatives constantly bemoan the problem of teen pregnancy yet continually try to dismantle comprehensive sex education programs in public schools and close Planned Parenthood clinics across the country ostensibly to stop abortion but in reality to deny teens access. Unfortunately a local Planned Parenthood affiliate is often the only place teenagers can get honest answers to their questions about sex, STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and contraceptives.

I have talked with a number of women who as adolescents suffered untreated STIs or horrific damage to their wombs during botched abortions, which prevented them from bearing children. Both could have been prevented if the girl could have openly discussed her interest in becoming sexually active with her parents and they had given her complete unbiased information. [Ideally parents should show their comfort with and openness to discussing sex with their children at the time they ask their first questions.]

Openness to discussing contraception need not imply acceptance or encouragement of their daughter or son's decision to experience their sexuality. Parents, if opposed to their doing so, and most parents are, need to state their opposition clearly and honestly without resorting to threats or scare tactics while realizing that unless they have their child under 24 hour supervision, there is no way they can prevent sex from happening. Many teens I have had in discussion groups about sexual behavior, who have had this kind of openness with their parents, told me they delayed their first sexual experience out of respect for their parents' wishes. This is a 'win-win' if there ever was one.

[1976: On a nationally televised morning talk show, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, an American sex therapist, shocked her host and her viewers by suggesting that society should encourage teens to practice mutual masturbation instead of coitus. She posited that this would decrease the number of teen pregnancies, prevent the spread of STIs among teens, and teach teens about each other's bodies, foreplay, and sexual response. (I heartily endorse this for teens instead of, and for adult couples as an occasional alternative to, intercourse.)]

What do you think of this article? Please post your comment on my Facebook Timeline, on Facebook, or send it to me at mailto:bfoswald78@gmail.com.  Thank you.

Sexual Schizophrenia—Children and Sex

For readers' reviews of my books, visit my website, http://www.bfoswaldauthor.com. Thank you.

I am not aware of a subject more troubling to our culture than the sexual development of children. A neonate is a package of genetic material that eventually must be shared sexually if our species is to continue. Because of this exceedingly important commission, children come with a set of innate sexual abilities, impulses and responses. Obstetricians have observed that newborn males often have erections and newborn females show signs of vaginal lubrication. Also the neonatal female's ovaries contain all of the eggs she will produce during her life time.

Pediatricians and parents report that pre-toddlers often explore their genitals when they are naked, and one of the unfortunately too common behaviors of female toddlers is their propensity to push objects into their vaginas. More evidence of this sexual curiosity is the many reports I received from student-parents of pre-schoolers who became aware during sex that their little person was observing their behavior, which usually caused immediate concern that such an experience would somehow warp their child even though for the child it was just one more important learning experience—if it was handled calmly without shock and awe by the parents. Anthropological studies of families that live together in one room, where the sexual coupling of their parents and other sexually mature persons is frequently witnessed by the children, report that these children do not evince any short or long term psychological or social damage from the experience.)

Three to six-year-olds have for eons played variations of  'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' that involve some degree of sexual exploration. One of the more frequently asked questions by my Human Sexuality students focused on what a parent should do when they discover their child involved in this behavior. One student shared his experience and solution with the class. He walked into his garage one afternoon to find his daughter and a neighbor boy of a similar age naked and touching each other's genitals. He calmly told the youngsters that he had cookies and milk for them in the kitchen and walked back inside. The children dressed quickly and came into the kitchen almost on his heels. A calm, non judgmental response is the best response a parent can make in this situation, a response that does not convey a negative message about sex or creates fear or revulsion that the child must overcome later in life.

In an episode of the sitcom Becker, Doctor Becker begins a lecture on nutrition for a class of third graders only to find himself sidetracked by questions about sex. He deals with these questions in an open, honest manner. When the children report his remarks to their parents, the parents respond angrily and demand a meeting with Becker. Thus confronted he neither retreats from nor apologizes for his remarks, closing the sometimes acrimonious discussion by telling the parents that if they had answered their children's questions promptly and honestly, he would not have had to. Children accumulate a lot of information about sex and their sexuality because they are programmed to do so. Unfortunately that information is often inaccurate or  confusing and therefore troubling. All too often a parent's implied (not articulated) response to a child's sexually related query is, "Don't ask because we are too uncomfortable with the topic ourselves to answer you;" or the vague and unsatisfying response, "You will learn about this when you are older," (whenever that is). Also adults use a wide variety of euphemisms to name the genitalia instead of proper terms like penis and vagina. (his wiener  her cookie). Why? If parents are uncomfortable with the subject, their responses often convey the message that the genitals are objects of shame and sex is a 'dirty' topic best not openly discussed.

What do you think of this article? Please post your comment on my Facebook Timeline, on Facebook, or send it to me at mailto:bfoswald78@gmail.com.  Thank you.