Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Train up a child...Part I

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I taught my first Infant and Early Childhood course in the fall of 1976. As time went on, I discovered that even into the middle of the eighth decade of the 20th century child developmentalist knew almost nothing about how intelligent and adaptable children under the age of three were, three being the age when children could begin to verbally respond to researchers questions. Once a few, clever researchers discovered how to get reliable answers to questions from neonates about their behavior, the infants' world opened up to scientific scrutiny. The findings fascinated me.

In 1976, neonates were considered to be essentially blind and deaf, and with only very limited senses of taste, touch, and smell—and they were helpless and passive. By a decade later it had been learned and demonstrated that fetuses not only could hear in uteri but could also remember what they heard, especially their mother's voices. Neonates also had very good vision within eighteen inches of their faces, and it was especially acute within twelve inches, the approximate distance from the mother's nipple to her nose, the center of her face. Neonates spend a lot of time looking at adult faces and learning what different facial expressions mean in terms of what kind of treatment they can expect—an unsmiling face elicited a different response from an infant then did a smiling face. They could smell well enough to discriminate between their mothers' breasts and milk and breasts and milk of other lactating women even through clothing. When introduced to solid foods, infants discriminated quickly accepting those foods they liked, rejecting those they didn't. Much of this discrimination is based on texture more that taste—strained peaches and strained squash may look a lot alike, but they feel different to the infant' tongue. (This is an extremely short list of the amazing abilities of fetuses, neonates and infants.)

The fact that especially fascinated me was the ability and facility with which fetuses, neonates, and infants can manipulate adult behavior—how easily they can train their caregivers. Over the years I had several students in the late stages of pregnancy that attested to the control their fetuses had over their comfort. Their unborn quickly implemented changes in their mothers' sitting and lying positions if they felt uncomfortable in utero. Scientists also discovered what mothers had known forever that infants have seven different cry patterns that they use selectively to indicate what they need.

The discovery of the ability of the very young to affect the behavior of their caregivers has helped pediatricians and counselors to more effectively help parents understand and adjust to their youngsters' behaviors. The very young are not helpless blobs of humanity easily molded into their caregivers' design as once thought, but very active and efficient partners in the teaching-learning parent-child process of child development.

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Sunday, November 24, 2013

,,,but...

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BUT conjunction
Used to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned.
synonyms:
yet, nevertheless, nonetheless, even so, however, still, notwithstanding, despite that, in spite of that, for all that, all the same, just the same; though, although
                                                                                           — Google Dictionary

My mother always prefaced her 'advise' with, "You know I'm not one to interfere BUT," which would then be followed by a litany of interference, always from her standpoint intended to be helpful and usually not. In fact, although she is deceased some years, every now and then something will remind my wife or me of this propensity of hers.

One of the instructors I had during my residency told us about a game some patients like to play to get the better of their therapist. It is called, "...yes, but..." and goes something like this: The therapist suggests a possible reason for or a solution to a problem presented by the patient. The patient then agrees that it was a possible reason, or it is a good solution and then immediately follows that with, "... but..." and then offers a reason(s) why what is being proffered will not work. The novice therapist may play this game a few times with a patient before catching on—the patient does not want help, he or she just wants to confound the helper, proving that s/he is smarter than or wiser than the therapist, and by so doing denigrates the therapist's authority. I got caught a few times before I learned to after the first '...yes, but..' ask questions before I offered advice. The questions were designed to help me determine if my patient actually wanted help or just the personal attention our interaction afforded or just to feel superior.

Other arenas where '...yes, but...' is played out are the parent-child, teacher-student, employer-employee critique. Often the person in charge of this dialog will try to soften a negative by starting with a positive. Parent: You know I think you're great BUT you are a real disappointment times, (I don't always think you are great). Teacher: "You are a good student, BUT you need to improve (so you are not a good student)." Employer: "You show a lot of initiative, BUT you seldom get your work done on time (which may mean you are lazy or disorganized, so you initiative doesn't count)." The second clause in each instance is what was intended in the first place and nullifies the first.

My point is that through experience most people learn to discount or ignore what comes before the BUT because it is so often canceled by what comes after it. If you are in a situation wherein you have a criticism to make that you might be tempted to preface with a positive statement followed by a BUT, cut to the chase—deliver the bad news then follow it with the good if there is any.

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