A
great deal of media and social attention is given to adult sexual behavior. The
more common forms are innuendo and jokes expressed through a lexicon replete
with numerous synonyms for coitus and genitalia. The epithet dirty is all too often applied to this
category of expression. Even though there is a much greater public exposure of
and attention paid to matters sexual, adult sexuality as well as sex in general
is tainted with this Victorian stigma.
More
than one mental health expert has posited that the reason we joke about sex so frequently
and in such a pejorative manner is because we are uncomfortable at best, afraid
at worst, of our sexuality. None of the three generations that have come along
since the article referenced below [*] has created a universal straightforward,
comprehensive, honest sex curriculum for its children. Sex education today is a
potpourri of street talk, misguiding mixes of misinformation under the guise of
Abstinence education, with a smattering of reliable information thrown in. As
the twig is bent so is the tree inclined. We carry this mix of bullshit and
reliable information into our bedrooms where we have sex with our partners
anywhere from inaptly to sublimely.
The media
expressions of adult coupling are mostly idealized representations. (See my
blog of 9-17, "Pillow Talk") What we are shown are very attractive
partners, lusting for sex, orgasmic, and supremely and sublimely satisfied afterwards.
The barriers to this happening in real life are too numerous to list in this
blog. Suffice it to say, as was so often stated by couples I was counseling,
seldom are both in the same place emotionally and physically at the same time.
Nor are they often equally aware of the nuances of sexual arousal, erogenous
zones, or in tune to each other's sexual response. Women and men frequently fake
orgasm because they believe that mutual orgasm should be the end result of
perfect coupling. It isn't and it needn’t be. Too often the effort to achieve
this is a real barrier to success.
What
we need, and what we will not achieve as long as one wealthy sexual
conservative uses his or her political influence to prevent it, is a
comprehensive, legitimate sex education program for all of our children K
through 12; this should be second to comprehensive, legitimate sex education by
parents, which is by far more desirable. Granted if our children entered adulthood with
a healthy knowledge of and attitude about their sexuality, a lot of the fodder
that fuels so much media attention would be lost. What would replace scandalous
sexual liaisons on talk shows, sitcoms rife with sexual innuendo, the porn
industry, romance novels, and (oh gasp) sex therapists? The impact would hurt
the economy worse than the one percent is doing now. [NB In cultures that teach
their children about sex openly and honestly, the rates of child sexual abuse
and rape are extremely low compared to those of sexually repressed cultures
such a ours.]
*[For a
brief but comprehensive report about adult discomfort with sex and the problem this
creates for intimacy see: Dr. Gelolo McHugh with J. Robert Moskin, “The
McHugh Report: What Americans Need to Learn About Sex,” Collier’s, November 9,
1954, 36–40. I find it disturbing that our attitudes about adult sex
have changed so little since this response to the Kinsey reports was published
almost three generations ago.]
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