NB:
I use the pronoun he to mean either he or she non-prejudicially. I find it too
awkward to use other forms.
What
is the most damaging word to the future of a marriage? DIVORCE! No matter how acrimonious the conflicts become, neither of
the partners should threaten divorce unless he or she means it. Even if during
the reconciliation that often follows these disturbances of marital bliss, the
partner who said the 'D' word retracts it, the damage has been done.
The
fact that one partner was considering divorce, even if only in the heat of the
moment, that threat becomes a fact in the mind of the other and takes on the
ugly shape of inevitability. Doubt in the durability of the marriage has been raised;
it is only a matter of time that divorce will become reality.
The
word DIVORCE is a verbal knife that cuts into trust that then bleeds suspicion.
If he said it, it must have been meant, the vocalization of an idea believed to
be already in the mind of the speaker. If there once, it will be there from now
on, a shadow off stage waiting to become flesh.
I
have counseled couples whose marriage was finally coming apart years after divorce was mentioned the first time.
(Once uttered, it becomes a vicious beast difficult to keep caged, often fed by
the encouragement of 'well-meaning friends'.)
Even if the strain in their relationship is quietly and rationally
discussed, "Maybe we should consider getting..." should not be
followed by "...a divorce." If there is even a shred of hope that the
marriage can be saved, that statement must be concluded with "...marriage
counseling." I have suffered through two divorces and I know the only
winners were our attorneys.
What do you think of this article? Please post
your comment on my Facebook Timeline, on Facebook, or send it to me at mailto:bfoswald78@gmail.com. Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment