Margaret
Mead, the renowned and controversial American anthropologist of the last
century, said that every woman needs three husbands in her lifetime; one
for youthful sex, one for security while raising children and one for joyful
companionship in old age, (recreation, procreation, companionship). It is a
very fortunate happenstance if a woman (or man) finds fulfillment in all three
stages with the same person.
Over
the long haul of human history, countless social rituals have been devised to
match two people and bind them together in the socially sanctioned relationship
we call marriage. Probably the most durable practice in terms of the number of
centuries it was prevalent in the majority of the world's cultures, is that of
parental mate selection. Children still swaddled have been 'betrothed' to each
other by parents seeking economic or social advantage; love, what ever that is,
was not a consideration. One of the most profound comments on this practice is
deeply embedded in the musical Fiddler on
the Roof. For example, his parents told
Tevye that he and the wife chosen for him, and whom he met for the first time at
their wedding, would learn to love each other. (Song: "Do
You Love Me?")
I
don't know if there is an historic tipping point, (the
point at which a series of small changes or incidents becomes significant
enough to cause a larger, more important change.) when arranged marriages
became passé. Based on my knowledge of British social history, I would choose
World I. However, young people in nineteenth century America, especially those
in the newly emerging territories and states, were rebelling against this
practice by the middle of that century.
Spin
the hands of time to the present when personal choice contrives most marriages,
not infrequently against parental efforts to discourage them. It is taken for
granted that we have carte blanche when selecting a mate. Do we
choose effectively? With the divorce rate in America at over fifty percent, it
does not appear so. What are some of the dynamics that rent the gossamer-like
fabric of a marriage? What happens in the lives of a couple who when at the
alter profess undying love for each other, that cools their ardor? That causes
one or the other or both to seek something outside of that marriage they felt
lacking on the inside? My answers to these perplexing questions begin tomorrow
when I look at the power of lust, which is usually a strong component of
Margaret Mead's first stage of marriage.
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