Friday, January 17, 2014

Looking stupid while trying to appear brilliant


One of our 'toys' used in undercover investigations was a small, German-made wire recorder called a Miniphon. It fit in a holster under one arm and was hard-wired to a small microphone that looked like a tie clasp. Battery operated it recorded on an 800-meter, spider-silk thin silver wire with reasonably good fidelity. I was considered to be very proficient with its use and had by the time of this particular incident contributed information gained by my Miniphon that led to four successful prosecutions. As a tribute to my ability, I was assigned a new investigator just out of the academy to observe my use of it. Our task was to attempt to buy a combination of 'diet pills' (amphetamines) and 'nerve pills' (barbiturates) from a down-country doctor that was apparently selling them to anyone who asked for them without first giving the customer a physical examination. Had he so much as taken my blood pressure and listened to my heart, he could have sold me several dozen of each drug without violating any laws.

My protégé and I entered the suspect doctor's office at three on a Thursday afternoon and seated ourselves in the waiting room; there were no other patients. I switched on my Miniphon. After about ten minutes, the top half of a Dutch door in a wall to the left of the office entrance opened and a man that fit the suspect doctor's description looked around the empty waiting room and then stared at us for several seconds before asking what we wanted. I approached him and asked without hesitation for some diet pills (amphetamines) and some 'three-a-days' (barbiturates). Note: I did not specify any quantity of either. (These codes were given us by a young man who was arrested for public intoxication and had a quantity of each drug in his pocket. Another story, another time.)

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The doctor told me it would be a few moments, closed the Dutch door, and I sat back down and bathed in the admiring glance from my trainee. A few moments later the top of the Dutch door opened and the doctor held out two small white paper bags. I walked over to him and asked how much I owed him. He requested ten dollars for the amphetamines and five dollars for the barbiturates. I handed him the money, which he took quickly then shut the door. I pocketed my purchase and quickly left his waiting room. As soon as we got to my car, my protégé and I noted in our diaries that the doctor had not so much as checked my pulse before giving me the pills. It was a very successful 'buy'.

On our way back to our motel, my trainee asked me what laws the doctor had transgressed by his selling me the drugs as he did. I told him that by selling me dangerous prescription drugs without a valid doctor-patient relationship—he had not asked me why I needed these medications or examined me in any way—he had issued the drugs as if they were OTC (over-the-counter) medications like aspirin or antacids. Under the Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act, he had caused the drugs to be misbranded (mislabeled). I went on to explain that it was a felony, and if convicted the doctor could be sentenced to prison. By the time I finished my explanation, we were back in our motel room. With my partner as witness, I examined the contents of each bag. Satisfied that the doctor had sold me the correct drugs, I asked my trainee to count the capsules, and then seal each bag with an official evidence seal signed by both of us. Then I removed the Miniphon from its holster, eager to hear replayed the incriminating conversation between the doctor and me. I pushed the rewind button and nothing happened. I pushed it again with the same lack of result. In somewhat of a panic, I pulled the back off the little device to see if it had actually recorded anything. I noticed to my chagrin that I had forgotten to install batteries before I left our office. My trainee was tactful enough to hide his laughter.

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