BUT conjunction
Used to introduce something contrasting with what has already
been mentioned.
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synonyms:
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yet, nevertheless, nonetheless, even so, however, still, notwithstanding, despite that, in
spite of that, for all that, all the same, just the same; though, although
— Google Dictionary
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My mother always prefaced her 'advise' with, "You
know I'm not one to interfere BUT," which would then be followed by a
litany of interference, always from her standpoint intended to be helpful and
usually not. In fact, although she is deceased some years, every now and then
something will remind my wife or me of this propensity of hers.
One of the instructors I had during my residency told
us about a game some patients like to play to get the better of their
therapist. It is called, "...yes, but..." and goes something like
this: The therapist suggests a possible reason for or a solution to a problem
presented by the patient. The patient then agrees that it was a possible reason, or it is
a good solution and then immediately follows that with, "... but..."
and then offers a reason(s) why what is being proffered will not work. The
novice therapist may play this game a few times with a patient before catching
on—the patient does not want help, he or she just wants to confound the helper,
proving that s/he is smarter than or wiser than the therapist, and by so doing denigrates the therapist's authority. I got caught a few times before I learned
to after the first '...yes, but..' ask questions before I offered advice. The
questions were designed to help me determine if my patient actually wanted help
or just the personal attention our interaction afforded or just to feel
superior.
Other arenas where '...yes, but...' is played out are
the parent-child, teacher-student, employer-employee critique. Often the person in charge of this dialog will try to soften a negative by starting with a
positive. Parent: You know I think you're great BUT you are a real
disappointment times, (I don't always think you are great). Teacher: "You are
a good student, BUT you need to improve (so you are not a good student)." Employer:
"You show a lot of initiative, BUT you seldom get your work done on time
(which may mean you are lazy or disorganized, so you initiative doesn't count)."
The second clause in each instance is what was intended in the first place and
nullifies the first.
My point is that through experience most people learn
to discount or ignore what comes before the BUT because it is so often canceled
by what comes after it. If you are in a situation wherein you have a criticism
to make that you might be tempted to preface with a positive statement followed
by a BUT, cut to the chase—deliver the bad news then follow it with the good if
there is any.
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