Sexual Schizophrenia—Unrealistic Expectations

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In my Human Sexuality text, The Sexual Person, I covered the mechanics of sex, but not the dynamics, the equipment but not how to use it effectively. Sexual intimacy is a far more complex subject than can be covered in a lecture or two or a blog. Today's blog, Sexual Schizophrenia—Unrealistic Expectations, examines one of the possible causes of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and frustration present in many couples' sexual relationship: sexually explicit media.

Human sexuality is the field of human behavior that was my primary focus during my academic career. My particular area of research was the adult film industry, especially its evolution during the eight decades from 1920 to 2000, from 8 mm and 16 mm black and white 15 to 20 minute shorts to 35 mm+ feature length, studio quality films in color intended to be shown in first run theaters, and finally through the advent of video productions for home viewing. Lacking in the vast majority of these productions was romantic involvement. The couples portrayed casual relationships at best and the principal actors were young, physically attractive (many augmented) women. Most of the coital positions were manufactured for the best camera shots and were uncomfortable for one or both partners. Overall the portrayals of copulation were unrealistic, objectified women, and primarily aimed at a male audience.*

The majority of my human sexuality students had never seen an XXX rated film or video (or at least would not admit to viewing one). Most of the women who responded to my questions about their experience with adult visual material (unfortunately a very small number) said what they had seen disgusted them and they preferred not to watch it with their partners who sometimes wanted them to position themselves as portrayed or compared their physical attributes to those of the actors. They especially did not like a 'skin flick' running where their partner could see it during sex.

Throughout the era of rigid motion picture censorship, actors had to show sexual desire with their facial expressions and by kissing, touching, embracing, which climaxed when the screen went dark. One did not have to be a sexual sophisticate to imagine what was going on during the blackout. Today very little is left to the viewer’s imagination. Scenes featuring fellatio, cunnilingus, and coitus—without showing genitalia—are very common in 'R' rated films and on evening TV. Unfortunately most of these productions show idealized sexual response and pleasure, creating portrayals of copulation that are foreign to the experience of many couples and therefore contribute to the frustration or dissatisfaction that one or both feel about their sexual relationship. In my experience as an educator and therapist, reports of mind blowing, toe curling, heart stopping, mutual orgasms were the exception rather than the rule and experienced by fewer couples than the media would have one believe. If the opposite were true, there would not be as many articles about how to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship in the popular press.

(*Candid Royalle's Femme Productions are a delightful departure from the general run of adult viewing. Created to empower women by putting a woman's voice to adult movies and helping women accept and embrace their own sexuality, while giving men something they can share with the women in their lives, they are less graphic and lacking in the traditional “money shot”, a staple of most adult films; [I have never understood their appeal —Oz] and have good story lines, good original music and portray real characters of all ages.)

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