Human Hemorrhoids on the Road

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Human Hemorrhoids on the road are the worst, way past just annoying, and potentially the most dangerous individual behind the wheel of a vehicle. I have been driving cars, trucks and motorcycles for 63 years. I am sure I have encountered every type of HH driver there is. The list is long but space is limited so I'll note only a few.

The cut-off specialist. This HH will suddenly cross one or two lanes to my left to make a right turn directly in front of me necessitating my having to quickly apply my brakes to let the individual in. Or the HH to my right will suddenly speed up to get into the left turn lane in front of me. The worst in my book, however, is the high-speed lane-changer. I pull a fifth-wheel RV that weighs around ten tons with a truck that weighs three—that is thirteen tons of dead weight usually traveling at between 60 and 65 miles per hour. This weight at this speed requires several car lengths to come to a stop. When a car weighing at most two tons suddenly cuts one or two car lengths in front of my rig, and more often than not slows down, well this is an accident waiting to happen. (This never seems to be observed by a state trooper, much to my displeasure.)

The quick pullout specialist. We live in a mostly agricultural county in south central Florida that also hosts a number of retired folks. For some unexplained reason when many of these retirees get behind the wheel of a car they seem to need to get to their destination yesterday. This necessitates their pulling out hurriedly in front of my car; however when they get in position, these HHs slow way down. (Let me not pillory just seniors, I've seen drivers of all ages do this.) I marvel that more of them do not get rear-ended.

Two extremes. Speed limits are established to move traffic conveniently and safely. Human hemorrhoids seem to have their own set of speed limits in mind when they start out. Of special aggravation are those who travel ten to twenty miles an hour below the posted limit while talking on a cell phone especially on two lane roads rife with no passing zones. And there are always those immediately behind me who want to go many miles an hour faster than the posted speed I'm driving and signal their impatience by almost riding up on my back bumper. Have more in mind? Please send them to me. Thanks.