I am not aware of a subject in our culture more taboo than
the sexual development of children. A neonate is a package of genetic material
that eventually must be shared sexually if our species is to continue. Because
of this exceedingly important commission, children come with a set of innate
sexual abilities and impulses. Obstetricians have observed that newborn males
often have erections and newborn females show signs of vaginal lubrication.
Also the neonatal female's ovaries contain all of the eggs she will produce
during her life time.
Pediatricians and parents report that pretoddlers
often explore their genitals when they are naked, and one of the unfortunately
too common behaviors of toddlers is their propensity to push objects into their
vaginas. More evidence of this sexual curiosity is the many reports I received
from student-parents of pre-schoolers who became aware during sex that their
little person was observing their behavior, which usually caused immediate concern
that such an experience would somehow warp their child even though for the
child it is just one more important learning experience—if it is handled calmly
without shock and awe by the parents. Anthropological studies of families that
live together in one room, where the sexual coupling of their parents and other
sexually mature persons is frequently witnessed by the children, these children
do not evince any short or long term psychological or social damage from the
experience.)
Three to six-year-olds have for eons played variations
of 'you show me yours and I'll show you
mine' that involve some degree of sexual exploration. One of the more
frequently asked questions by my Human Sexuality students focused on what a
parent should do when they discover their child involved in this behavior. One student
shared his experience and solution with the class. He walked into his garage
one afternoon to find his daughter and a neighbor boy of a similar age naked
and touching each other's genitals. He calmly told the youngsters that he had
cookies and milk in the kitchen and walked back inside. The children dressed
quickly and came into the kitchen almost on his heels. A calm, non judgemental
response is the best response a parent can make in this situation. It creates
no stigma that the child must overcome later in life and does not convey a
negative message about sex.
In a reprise of an episode of the sitcom Becker, the doctor begins a lecture on
nutrition for a class of third graders only to find himself sidetracked by
questions about sex. He deals with these questions in an open, honest manner.
When the children reported his remarks to their parents, the parents responded
angrily and demanded a meeting with Dr. Becker. Confronted, he neither
retreated from nor apologized for his remarks, closing the sometimes
acrimonious discussion by telling the parents that if they had answered their
children's questions promptly and honestly, he would not have had to. Children
accumulate a lot of information about sex and their sexuality because they are
programmed to do so. Unfortunately that information is often confusing and
therefore troubling. All too often a parent's implied (not articulated)
response to a child's sexually related query is, "Don't ask because we are
too uncomfortable with the topic ourselves to answer you;" or "You
will learn about this when you are older," (whenever that is). Adults also
use a wide variety of euphonisms to name the geitalia instead of penis and
vagina. Why? If the parent is uncomfortable with the subject, their responses
often convey the message that sex is a
'dirty' topic best not discussed.
What do you think of
this article? Please post your comment on my Facebook Timeline, on Facebook, or
send it to me at mailto:bfoswald78@gmail.com. Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment