A
young couple coming to me for pre-marriage counseling almost danced their way
into my office for their session, overflowing with excitement and happiness.
Their parents owned adjacent farms; the young man unwillingly worked for his
father—he wanted a career in the Air Force; the young woman, a post-graduate
journalism student currently unemployed lived at home. Six months before, the
young bride-to-be had sought my advice. She had been offered an internship at
the Washington Post that was a real plum, but her parents were trying hard to
dissuade her from taking it because it would mean her moving away from home.
She was torn between taking advantage this opportunity and loyalty to her
parents. Finally she gave into her parents' pressure and turned down the offer.
Their
news of moment seemed to have offset their disappointments of a few months
before; her parents were giving them three acres of their farm on which to
build a house, and his parents were going to give them the money necessary to
do so. Flags of caution unfurled into wind-snapping attention in my mind. I
knew that those were the worst possible wedding presents they could be given
because I knew full well their parents' motives were anything but pure.
Both
of the intendeds were only children and doted upon. His father was grooming him
to take over the farm eventually even though the young man hated the idea. Her
parents, especially her mother, wanted her to stay close to home ostensibly to
help her parents run their farm. It was a given that eventually the two farms
would become one, eventually insuring a bright financial future for the young
couple and especially for their parents'
grandchildren!
The
young couple wondered why I seem to welcome their news with a response that was
on the positive side of anxiety. Knowing both families rather well, I had been
their clergyman for three years, I was sure I understood their parents'
motives. I knew there was little I could say to discourage the young people and
they gratefully accepted the gifts in spite of my words of caution. What I
imagined would happen did and their marriage only survived a little over three years. Why? More of the story tomorrow.
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