The Cause of it All
(Continued from 9-13-13)
I
did not enjoy watching the marriage I had put together come apart, and I
derived no satisfaction from learning what I feared would happen did happen.
What I had surmised would be the end result was based on more than a guess, I
knew the history of the marriages of both the bride's and the groom's parents
before hand.
The
groom's father was a philanderer; a painful fact that his mother discovered
soon after their son was born. Her husband denied this reality at first, then
finally admitted to it. His mother thought it best to keep the marriage in tact
for their son's sake, her husband agreed but more for the sake of his assets
that out of concern for the child. The immediate result was her husband moving
into another bedroom and her treating him with cold indifference from then on.
From that point on, they both focused their attentions on their son, vying with
each other to be the most popular parent. His father encouraged the boy's
athletic ability; his mother coddled him. Their son provided the only bond that
kept the family together and he once he realized this, he did his best to
please both parents.
The
bride was already a matter of fact when her parents married just out of high
school. Her parent's sexual contacts had been casual, and she was in love with
another (not the baby's father) when she realized she was pregnant. Forced by
her parents into marriage to a man she did not particularly like, she did
little to make the marriage work. Instead she focused most of her attention on
her daughter, as did her husband who adored his daughter. This created a tug of
war of sorts for their daughter's love and attention. As children in this
situation often do, she played each parent against the other and became
indulgent and pampered.
Both
set of parents, so long focused on their children, realized that there would be
a major void in their lives if their children chose careers that took them away
from the farms, and therefore they did all they could to keep their children close
to home. Their very expensive wedding gifts were given not so much out of love,
but more out of desperation and tragically the young couple accepted the gifts
more from a strong sense of obligation to their parents than any desire to
spend their lives farming. Important
lesson: Before a couple contemplates
starting a family, they should accept that children are transitory and given
their natural inclinations will probably leave home eventually. Therefore, the parents' relationship as
husband and wife must remain primary.
They should do whatever is necessary to keep romance and intimacy central in
their lives to prevent themselves from becoming so involved in the lives of
their children that they lose sight of their importance to each other. More
importantly, the roots of companionship should be already well established
before their first child is born.
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