At
first reading, it would appear that Mead's stages are age related—sex for
recreation for young people; procreation during the middle adult years;
companionship during the later years of life. Obviously this is not the case,
nor do I find any inclination that Margaret Mead meant them to be age related.
There is no reason why recreational sex cannot be an integral part of every
marriage from the exchange of rings to the last rites.
Sex
is an innate, powerful, and compelling component of attraction (lust) and many
a human has misinterpreted lust to be love (falling in lust) and used it as the
reason to enter into marriage. Initially, mutual lust is a powerful adhesive,
but not a durable one. The bonds of lust weaken when procreation begins. (I do
not confuse lust with intimacy of which sexual coupling may be only a part.
Intimacy is a far more complex entity that includes trust, mutual respect, as
well as sexual attraction.)
The
demands of child rearing with its incumbent responsibilities, tension, and
worries can be a significant deterrent to intimacy. To further stir the pot is
the post WW II economy that increasingly made it possible and in many instances
necessary for both spouses to be employed outside of the home. Children and
jobs create preoccupations and fatigue; these two are powerful nullifiers of
desire. Children are also great disrupters of privacy, they seem to know when
their parents are engaging in sex and driven by innate curiosity seek to watch.
One
of my mini-joys is seeing an elderly couple walking hand, obviously enjoying
being together. With people living much longer than they did at the beginning
of the last century, many go into the later years alone. Loneliness is one of
the primary causes for late adult depression, on a par with poor health. Single
oldsters often assuage this loneliness by owning a pet; others seek and achieve
a new intimate relationship after the death of a spouse; and many to avoid the
pain of loneliness remain in an unhappy marriage to the end of life. To prevent
loneliness, while also providing an opportunity to reaffirm one's sense of
purpose and even offer opportunities for intimacy, one concept that seems to be
growing in popularity is the co-ed, co-op group home. These give healthy late
adults opportunities to again share domestic responsibilities not unlike those
they shared with their spouses, and provide the companionship integral to
Mead's third stage of marriage.
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